I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I just googled if crying burns calories
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
