Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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