Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Randomize
