im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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