Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
