Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
