It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Randomize
