So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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