Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
