okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
