remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
