I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
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