he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
i love accidental penises.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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