I will die if light touches me.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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