take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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