do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
