Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
You pole danced in your parka.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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