You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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