Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I have aggressive nipples.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
