trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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