dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
