she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
