please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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