some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
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