I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize