i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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