it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
