So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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