y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
