Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
