Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
