there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
