discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
