god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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