After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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