I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Randomize
