He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
i drank out of a bidet.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
