I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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