I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
