i'm signing you up for texting rehab
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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