i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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