woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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