how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
