i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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