Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
