THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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