It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Too much gin, very little bucket
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
