I hate your face
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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