he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
