oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
