Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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