my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
