I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
