I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
