listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
You left your phone here
Wait...
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
