honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
i dont even know how to be here
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
