Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Randomize
