Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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