She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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