I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
