the condom got lost in my hair
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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