Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize