It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Randomize
