So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
