every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize