the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
