Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
