were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
