Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
