It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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