And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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