It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
