Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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