She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
