I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
