I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize