Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
