I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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