and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
