i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize