I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
