I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Randomize
