Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
