The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
