I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
